Six monthiversary

As of this week, last Thursday in fact, I have spent six months in Mozambique. Which really does not feel like that many since we have a 27 month service… it is kind of a drop in the bucket. But then when I realize I have actually now spent half of a year here it makes it a little more real to me.

At this point I feel like I am doing pretty well. Things are finally starting to flatline a little bit. When I first got to Moz, and also when I first got to site, I felt like things were always up and down, up and down, and intensely so. But now I realize I spent a lot less time like “Wow, I am living in AFRICA omg ridic lol!!!!1” or like “Why the hell did I leave LA and move to Africa??!?!?! What the &*#&*@&! Was I thinking?!?!?!!!” and more time just… living, going about my life like normal. Which is weird that now there finally is something I would consider “normal”… but it is good. I am ready to settle down a bit.

This is also a weird time in the life of a PCV because things are no longer new or shocking, and now we actually start sitting down and processing the reasons why we came here and what it is that we are hoping to do. I have referred to it in the past as “idealism meeting reality.” Everyone who joins the Peace Corps is at least a little bit idealistic in some ways, and everyone has this idea of what their Peace Corps experience is going to be… what THE Peace Corps Experience is, more likely. I have had many a conversation with other PCVs about this process of reconciling what you THOUGHT your experience was going to be, with what it actually turns out to be. This can be a very frustrating experience and really forces you to think about what it is that motivates you, what it is you are hoping to do or change during your service. I wish I had something deep to say about the conclusions I have come to in this process, but in reality I am very far from anything of the sort.

While it has been exciting to see that I am starting to finally “settle down,” it is also incredibly hard in many ways. Because back in December, when I was just finishing with training, kind of still completely terrified about the huge question-mark in front of me, I assumed the first two months or so would be really hard but that by april, of course I would speak perfect Portuguese, and be really integrated in my community and have tons of Mozambican friends and not get harassed at the market ever or mistaken for a south African or Zimbabwean tourist, and I would know all the expats in town too and have a social life, and be super integrated in my workplace and be super duper productive at work and just be this amazing and happy volunteer! Well reality sets in and of course not one of these things is actually happening. And for the most part, it does not mean that I have failed, just that I did not have accurate expectations for my first few months at site. But regardless it leaves me feeling frustrated and like I have let myself down.

But I am ready to stop feeling this way. I am going to get my ish together this month. I am really going to try to work on me, and my life here. Get a tutor for Portuguese so I can not sound like an idiot anymore. Get my exercise routine down so I feel okay physically. Try to meet people in town. Work on my relationship with God. Mind, Body, Spirit. It is so important and so hard here sometimes.

This is a big challenge for me. But I am up for it. I am ready to “do one thing every day that scares me.” And start making my existence here in Vilankulo feel less like a weird dream and more like a life.

Bring on the next six months. Woohoo!