2010.

Every new year sparks reflection in all of us… whether it is looking back on regrets of the past year, or getting excited for important events to come, each January 1st seems to resonate deep inside somewhere, compelling us to make a change in our lives we have been wanting to, or to make “resolutions.” I must say, the new years resolutionists have definitely been present in my life this week, as I’m pushing through throngs of sweaty people at the gym compared to the seven people I was sharing it with the week before Christmas. I have never been big on resolutions, but in 2009 I declared here that I was simplifying and resolving to make three basic but important changes: drink more water, wear sunscreen, and stand up straighter. I’m legitimately proud to say that I was 66% percent successful. I went from being constantly dehydrated to drinking a gallon of water a day, and from never wearing sunscreen (in the African sun, even!!!) to wearing it religiously each day (been slacking a bit here in Cali but… you know). Posture still needs work, so for 2010, by “simple” resolutions are this: stand up straighter and stop (superfluous) swearing. I’m not a huge potty mouth, and sometimes a well-placed F-bomb is EXTREMELY therapeutic, but swearing unnecessarily is a bad habit for me personally that I’d like to tame.

I’m glad to see 2009 go. And I know I am not alone in this. My experience in Africa was difficult in many ways but also a bit removed from the tough times that have been affecting everyone in America. But even being here for the last couple of weeks I have gotten a sense of it all. But my mom wrote a great blog talking about the subtle but pervasive hope in our collective human psyche, that 2010 is going to be better.

I think 2010 is going to be better.

2009 didn’t see me getting laid off, losing my home, watching my assets in the stock or real estate market dissipate, or applying for hundreds of underpaying jobs for which I am overqualified and being rejected by all of them, or any of the myriad other things that afflicted so many Americans. But it was challenging in different ways—leaving my family, struggling through personal and cultural and professional issues, feeling lonely and homesick, fighting a language barrier, and many other things that moving to Africa with the Peace Corps tends to include. So it’s different, but I can identify.

I am not one to have regrets. I believe that every experience, especially negative ones, provides an opportunity to learn and guide future decisions. However, its easy to say that, but hard to not look back and wish you could change things, or take something back that you said or did—or didn’t do. Looking back on 2009, there are a lot of things I wish I could go back and do differently. I made a lot of excuses for myself, often subconsciously. “It’s hard to integrate in Vilanculos.” “It’s hard to relate to Mozambicans in my town.” “I don’t speak Portuguese well.” “I’m still new.” Et cetera. And it’s easy to look back and think about the many opportunities I maybe missed out on in the last year because of my own insecurities, my own weaknesses. But… I am trying not to do that. Because there’s no point to looking backwards when I have another year to look forward to: in 2010, I not only resolve to stand up a little straighter and cuss a little less, but to take full advantage of the 11 months in front of me. Undoubtedly it will continue to be challenging, perhaps even more so, but I’m going to be looking back on my PC experience for the rest of my life, and regardless of what results I do or do not see, I want to feel assured that I gave it my all and did all I could. To take full advantage of the personal and professional opportunities available to me in Mozambique. 2010 will take me through our mid-service conference (January), the GRE (February), trying to really buckle down and finally make a difference at work and in my community, my 24th birthday and the World Cup (!!!) in June, and finishing up my Peace Corps service, potentially applying for graduate schools, hopefully traveling to Tanzania, and moving back to America, all before next Christmas. It’s a lot to handle. But I think 2010 is going to be a good year. I think. I hope. I hope, because I can’t imagine choosing anything else.